Ultimate Guide to Mastering Doubt and Self-Loathing

Faith Through Chronic Illness

When I look back nine years, I see a different person. At times I feel very sad. Previously, I kept my house clean, cooked dinner, and worked full time. Additionally, after Landon was born, I kept up with my amazing son and our home.

I prided myself on a home that was always open to people, no matter who stopped by. However, now I’m embarrassed of my home. It’s cluttered, often dirty, and not the home I want it to be. There are many times I reflect on the words of my aunt Kathy, “I’ve never trusted a woman who could raise children and keep a perfectly clean home.”

Keeping my faith through chronic illness challenges me daily. Especially now that I barely have time or energy to do anything else.

I have recently started reading through Charles Spurgeon’s devotional Morning and Evening. Today God knew exactly where I was and what I needed to hear were the words written by a man over 150 years ago. It is amazing that a man’s words written in the 1800’s can still affect people’s lives today. This is what he wrote:

“He loves to see us lay our time, our talents, our substance upon the alter, not for the value for what we give, but for the sake of the motive from which the gift springs. To Him the lowly offerings of His saints are more acceptable than the thousands of gold and silver.”

What a humbling reminder this is. That even though my gifts and talents may not seem as great as others, he can still use what I have to give. Even if what I have to give may seem so small. Thank you God for your compassion and love. Thank you God that when I feel that I am not enough you show me your sweet grace and compassion. You are a good God.

After reading Spurgeon’s beautiful words about not how much I have to give but what I am able to give and how they are two separate things I am humbled in all the ways I am blessed. My mind begins to shift and joy comes over me.

My list of blessing over the past 9 years: The Ultimate Blessings of God

1. Landon was born
2. You used my sickness for me to move back to Fl to spend the last few years with my dad.
3. You gave me the strength to walk again
4. You blessed me with the resources and family who was able to support me with Landon. He is now thriving.
5. My energy levels are improving and I am starting to have more and more pain free days.
6. You have given me two churches that I love. St. Peters my church home and Grace Fellowship where my family and most of my friends attend.
7. I am able to be here with my mom.

“This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”-Psalm 118:24

If you’re in a season where what you have to offer feels small, I hope Spurgeon’s words bring you the same peace they brought me today. God sees the heart, not the output.

How has God reminded you of His grace in a hard season recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts or a blessing you’re holding onto in the comments below.